So I guess you could say that I never knew anything about anything and that I still don't. But I have learned a few things lately and it has to do with love. And the fact that nothing is as it seems. When you think things will be crystal clear and obvious - it never is. And I guess this probably sounds stupidly plain to you. "Duh!" you may speak out loud or in your mind. But it was always that way with me. Duh, I would say. Duh, nothing ever is that certain, where love is concerned. How could a person know, though, when they hadn't been in love.
I love him. And for the first time in my life I can see myself with him for the rest of my days. And for the first time in my life, even if I'm terribly upset with him, I still want to be by his side. I think that was the lightening moment to me. I was sad and angry right next to him - but the thought of him going was even more painful.
I do suppose I'll ever know how it feels to be swept off my feet. From the start it has been rocky to say the least. And even though we continue to find ourselves in worse and worse situations - we also find ourselves crawling out together. And each day I love him more and more. There was never a honeymoon stage. No sudden wake up call where I realize I'm with a depressed, angry boy. I've known all along what I've gotten myself into. And everything in the world changes for one reason: I love him. That simple concept makes all our difficulties seem like war zones that we have to make it through somehow. I have no silly notions of a perfect life. I am sure this is only a tiny glimpse of the reality of how much worse things could get...
but I love him. And right now, that is enough. Right now, the way his kisses feel after I've left him, is enough.
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