Exposed, real, raw
Numbness cannot cover lies
I am truly a fabulous mess
Are you happy now?
I’ve gotten on my knees to
Keep those I love safe
I’ve been twisted and manipulated
At the expense of my heart
Are you happy now?
I’ve held two gorgeous heads
In my lap as they fought
For their lives
Suffered for hours
And lost
I have watched bodies being wrenched
Into the back of pickup trucks.
The same bodies I promised
Everything would be alright
I’ve woken up to my first love
Holding a knife to his throat
Telling me that’s how I made him feel
Are you fucking happy now?
I’ve woken up
Looked out my window
To see the love my life
My soul mate and air
Laying dead ten feet away
I don’t want to wake up anymore
Are you happy now?
I am stripped of fancy dress
Purple hats, stilettos that
Heighten and tighten
I have washed my makeup
And it stains the drain
All my hair is gone
My glasses are off
I see demons
I see them everywhere
Are you happy now?
I am standing in front of you
A girl broken and shivering
A thousand miles from anything familiar
Her dreams have been shattered
Treated like she never mattered
I am standing in front of you
Raw and exposed
I fucking hate commitment
I hate vows and rings
I hate love and boys and promises
Are you happy now?
For over a year I have
Fought for breath
And the only time I found it
Was when I was with you
You know what makes me sick?
I only wanted to be near you.
But why the fuck would you care?
Why would I care?
I am here, exposed, raw, broken
There are no more tears
I am fighting for my life
I am fighting for my dreams
For the little bit of this world
That is mine
Just like you
Just like everyone else in this world
I am fighting for what I hate
But believe in
Because that’s all I have
Are you happy now?
I am fighting for love
And I am not drowning in self pity
And I am not giving up
And I am not letting anyone pull me down
I may retreat and recoup
But I always…always…come back stronger
I am the type of person you want to have
On your side
Don’t pretend like you can’t see
I am exposed and raw and every bit as human
Every bit as full of mistakes and abuse
As you are. As everyone else is.
Don’t you pretend like you don’t know
The better I look, the more fucked up I am
Inside
Are you happy now?
I don’t want to wake up anymore
But it keeps happening
You called me fucking crazy
How dare you
I am fucking insane
But you have no idea
The extent my insanity must reach
So I can get through each day
I carry a knife everywhere I go
Because there is a boy
Who swears he loves me
And would rather I be dead
Then be happy without him
That’s why I am here.
You wanted truth?
I really hope you’re happy.
Numbness cannot cover lies
I am truly a fabulous mess
Are you happy now?
I’ve gotten on my knees to
Keep those I love safe
I’ve been twisted and manipulated
At the expense of my heart
Are you happy now?
I’ve held two gorgeous heads
In my lap as they fought
For their lives
Suffered for hours
And lost
I have watched bodies being wrenched
Into the back of pickup trucks.
The same bodies I promised
Everything would be alright
I’ve woken up to my first love
Holding a knife to his throat
Telling me that’s how I made him feel
Are you fucking happy now?
I’ve woken up
Looked out my window
To see the love my life
My soul mate and air
Laying dead ten feet away
I don’t want to wake up anymore
Are you happy now?
I am stripped of fancy dress
Purple hats, stilettos that
Heighten and tighten
I have washed my makeup
And it stains the drain
All my hair is gone
My glasses are off
I see demons
I see them everywhere
Are you happy now?
I am standing in front of you
A girl broken and shivering
A thousand miles from anything familiar
Her dreams have been shattered
Treated like she never mattered
I am standing in front of you
Raw and exposed
I fucking hate commitment
I hate vows and rings
I hate love and boys and promises
Are you happy now?
For over a year I have
Fought for breath
And the only time I found it
Was when I was with you
You know what makes me sick?
I only wanted to be near you.
But why the fuck would you care?
Why would I care?
I am here, exposed, raw, broken
There are no more tears
I am fighting for my life
I am fighting for my dreams
For the little bit of this world
That is mine
Just like you
Just like everyone else in this world
I am fighting for what I hate
But believe in
Because that’s all I have
Are you happy now?
I am fighting for love
And I am not drowning in self pity
And I am not giving up
And I am not letting anyone pull me down
I may retreat and recoup
But I always…always…come back stronger
I am the type of person you want to have
On your side
Don’t pretend like you can’t see
I am exposed and raw and every bit as human
Every bit as full of mistakes and abuse
As you are. As everyone else is.
Don’t you pretend like you don’t know
The better I look, the more fucked up I am
Inside
Are you happy now?
I don’t want to wake up anymore
But it keeps happening
You called me fucking crazy
How dare you
I am fucking insane
But you have no idea
The extent my insanity must reach
So I can get through each day
I carry a knife everywhere I go
Because there is a boy
Who swears he loves me
And would rather I be dead
Then be happy without him
That’s why I am here.
You wanted truth?
I really hope you’re happy.