Alis Volat Propris

You started the fire, now feel the heat
You guaranteed this wont be neat
And I'm fucking tired of being sweet.
I'm fucking sick of feeling sore
Growing accustomed to the floor
I wont take this anymore
You were the one who knocked on my door
I'm fucking sick of dealing with shit
You're human, get the fuck over it
We heal and try and eventually die
You're just another typical guy
If you can't love me, it's your loss
My heart is not something to casually toss
If you're afraid of the flame, don't play with fire
I may be crazy, but I'm no fucking liar
You've treated me like a second-class whore
And I wont fucking take it anymore.

-

I claim my land
I claim my heart
I defend my home
You have not been clear,
You have not been fair.
I am not looking for apologies.
I am not looking for explanations.
But don't you dare tell me you have been communicating.
You came to me.
You knocked on my door.
And then you call me crazy when I'm confused.
I'm not "trippin'", I'm fucking defending what's mine.
What I honor and what I love.
I have been more then clear about how I feel
And have only been answered by riddles and bullshit.
Do not mistake me for weak.
Do not confuse me for a doormat.
You do what you have to do, I respect that.
But you will not treat my heart like it's second-class.
Do not mistake my understanding for backing down.
My compassion is my ultimate strength.
My fluid love is my greatest weapon.
You have suffered, your heart has been broken and you are struggling.
Good.
You are human. You are healing and you are growing.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE
Just because you close your eyes does not mean we're not here,
That I am not here.
You have come to my land, asked to come in -
And I have opened everything me graciously.
You have trashed my home, destroyed my land and called me crazy.
This is my territory, you call me crazy for singing my songs in my home.
I have been beaten, I have been denied and used.
But not anymore.
We have all fallen, all experienced suffering.
We can join together and make ourselves stronger
Or we can be divided.
I can't turn a wall into become a river,
but I can take it down brick by brick.
Do not mistake me for weak or desperate.
I know my land, my heart, myself.
And if that makes me crazy,
If singing my songs makes me crazy,
Then that's exactly what I fucking am.

-

The past six months.
Three things have happened.
That break my heart.

1. I fell in love for the first time and in the same breath was abused and battered and broken. He held a knife to his throat and said that's how I made him feel. He held it to his throat and said the only reason he wasn't going to do it, is because there were fish guts on it.

2. I woke up one snowy morning and looked out my window to see my best friend and soul mate laying dead in a field.

3. A boy came into my life who I fell hard for. Who I offered everything I could. He pulled the fucking rug out from underneath me and called me crazy for not understanding his non-existent communication. Each day is torture.

I am a strong and beautiful person. I give my all to do the right thing and to help others out as best as I can. I love myself and I love this world. I don't know why these things keep happening to me - but even in my lowest points, I know nothing can defeat me.