My therapy is prose – so here it goes
I have taught myself to hide the fray
Supposing it will just go away
But the truth revealed – I’m not okay
I appear to most so happy and free
This past abuse keeps stifling me
A boy broke me and I’m hiding it well
It’s time I came out, there’s much to tell
I waited so long for a shinning star
Watched all my friends fall in love from afar
Despite being alone, I was filled with glee
Until that night when Clayton met me
So skilled at manipulation and sadness
I was naively sucked into madness
He convinced me of my terrible ways
Now we begin to see those frays
I should have left the second things shattered
But I thought my love was all that mattered
One low I reached was a night he drank
He cursed at me while his breath was rank
I held him down as he wanted to fight
Said he’d hurt himself – I believed he might
He wouldn’t fall asleep until I gave in
Again, on my knees – he always did win
What I’m realizing now as I pull away
I can still hear the words he used to say
The boys I talk to – the guilt that ensues
Emotional abuse leaves more than a bruise
I’ve pushed myself to the point where I’m sick
Screaming in the truck gave me that kick
To finally come to a root I can see
To finally accept what’s hindering me
I waited and gave my love to a boy
I gave him the real kind of love that
I had built up my whole entire life
There was no one before him
I was naïve and stupid and blind
But I gave it to him and with that
Came opening up in a way I didn’t
Even know I could. I trusted him.
Completely with myself. No one saw
Me like he did. So this is what I’ve come to.
Summarize it like this: When I give my
Love to someone. When I open myself
Up to someone. When I give myself to
Someone with unbridled passion.
They want to kill themselves.
The end.
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